The Wild's Flower Potion
by phoenix09
Summary: This potion, will kill me, that I am certain of. I am surrounded by people I do not trust, stuck in this land that I had hoped I would never see again, with the Darkspawn threat growing more dangerous by the day. If I do not take this potion, then the child I carry inside of me will die. Alistair's heir will die. I have no other choice. Maker...forgive me.
1. Two Months

"Are you sure?"

I slowly nodded my head, as I swirled the potion around in my hand. I really didn't want to think about it, the taste I mean. But I had to drink it anyways. Taking a huge breath of air, I took a swig from the potion bottle. As the liquid inside the bottle slide down my throat, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that it was Oghren's own ale. But it didn't work, as I could feel my gag reflexes start up, as the bitter, horrible taste started to become too much to handle. She couldn't believe, and hardly could I, but what else could it be? I slammed the bottle down on my cherry table, gasping for breath. I felt like being a child again, being forced to take the awful medicine.

"So...you think that that is actually working?"

I nodded my head again, as I took another swig from the bottle, draining what was left. Thank the Maker that I was done for the day. I placed the empty bottle down on the table, and I couldn't help but make faces, as the horrible rotten taste was still in my mouth. I felt sick to my stomach, but I didn't know if it was because of the horrible draught of a potion, or...

"I pray to the Maker everyday that it is Wynne," I finally said, wanting to puke out what I had just swallowed. "The Kingdom needs it to work." I looked across the table to my dear friend who stood by my side for as long as I could remember. She gave me the same look that she had for the last couple of days ever since I told her of what was happening, or my suspicions. I shook my head, trying to keep down the vomit that was slowly creeping up my throat. I hated this, hated this whole predicament. I love Alistair, don't get me wrong, its just that I wished, secretly, wished that Anora was Queen, and Alistair and I were just Grey Wardens. . But of course, fate would have it another way.

"Did you hear about Anora?" I asked Wynne, as I poured myself a huge glass of water.

"Can't say I have child," She shook her head, as she sat back in her chair, never taking her eyes off of me. "All I have heard was that the new Warden-Commander of Ferelden is traveling to Amaranthine." She tilted her head at me, as I started to chug the water.

"Don't look at me like that!" I said defensively, as I poured another glass of water. I knew where this was going, and I knew of what might happen. "It's not like I actually want to go Wynne, but I have to as the Warden-Commander, and Arling and all. I have those duties of which I have to do."

"Yes, but what of you're other duties Elissa? What if something happens? We don't even know if these potions are actually working for you or not! These are made for the Mabari war hounds that have contracted the darkspawn taint!"

"I know that Wynne, but what other choice do we have?" I hissed, signaling to keep her voice down. Alistair wasn't here, and we were sitting in one of my private rooms, but still. Anora had spies everywhere, and with the recent rebellions that were slowly gaining power, with the sudden marriage to some lesser noble that nobody seems to know of, I couldn't take any sort of risks.

"Morrigan is the-"

"Morrigan left Wynne!" I looked across the table at her. Wynne, along with everyone else knew how close Morrigan and I had gotten, and they all knew how hurt I felt when Morrigan left after well, the ritual. I felt used, and so betrayed by the one that I had called my sister, that they still could not say her name around me without tears springing to my eyes. "And while she is the only one that may know how to make a baby with one Grey Warden, I doubt she will know with two Wardens." Sighing I sat back in my seat, and placed my hand on my forehead. Another outburst, great. "I'm sorry Wynne..." I whispered, feeling horrible for almost shouting at her. How could I? If Morrigan was like a sister to me, Wynne was my new adoptive mother. And as such she had every right to be worried over me, and what I was doing. "I haven't been..."

"Feeling yourself?" chuckled Wynne, as she folded her hands on her lap, still looking at me with motherly concern, but with a hint of joy in her eyes. "I guess maybe you are right. That maybe this is working. But I ask you dear, is going to Amaranthine such a good idea? If you are, which from you're recent sickness in the last days, and the short temper which you usually have under control I say yo are, but is it such a good idea?"

"Anora is breathing down my necks with citing rebellions in her name. There are still plenty of people that will side with her because of who her father was before this whole mess. Going to Amaranthine will not only further the position of Grey Wardens, but will also give me a chance to gain allies with the nobles there. It will keep me away from any prying eyes for a few weeks, just in case." I smiled at Wynne, resting my hands on my stomach, believing in something that shouldn't be. Could something good, come from so much evil and death over the past few months. I couldn't contain my smile any more, and for the rest of the night Wynne, and I dared to laugh, dare to hope that maybe all this evil was finally behind us, and for just a little bit more, Ferelden, Alistair, Wynne, and I, could finally heal and move on. Little did we know that my days were counted, along with everything else. It seemed the Maker wasn't done with us yet.

I awoke the next day early to begin my long journey to Amaranthine, something I sort of looked forward to.

"You are going to miss me right?" joked Alistair as we sat down on the floor, eating our breakfast. It was a bad habit that we had gotten into on the road. But it was a slight comfort at the same time for us. Here, for breakfast, we could say whatever we wanted to say, we could do, and wear whatever we wanted to do and wear without the bothersome rituals, and traditions that came with being King and Queen. For a few hours every morning it was just Alistair, the former templar turned Grey Warden, and his Grey Warden wife Elissa. I sat across from him like I always did, in a pair of loose trousers, and a loose linen shirt. I was trying to braid my dark brown almost black hair in the new Antivan fashion, as Alistair was took another bite of sharp cheddar cheese. He grinned at me, and while the conversation this morning was little more then what was going on in court, I couldn't help but notice that in a way he was jealous.

"You know I will miss you. Who else could stand there and look pretty when I do all the hard work," I grinned as he threw a piece of bread at me. "Will you miss me?"

"Of course I will miss you! But now that you say it, I think that Arl Eammon, and the rest of Court are going to miss you more. There has been rumors that they all think that I am going to single-handily destroy all of Ferelden in just a few days without you." Joked Alistair as he took another bite of cheese. "I mean...what do they think I could do? Set all the Mage's free, and burn down...the Chantry?"

"I can't see the Mages being set free from the tower...the Chantry and Denerim in flames are a high concern..." I joked as he laughed sarcastically back at me. "Wasn't it you that said to me that if you were left in charge, some very bad things would happen, and that you would find yourself lost without any pants on?"

"That is not the point!" He smiled at me, then looked down at his feet. "Before you go Elissa...there is something I would like to talk to you about..."

Up, over, under, up, over, under... I thought to myself as I said, "What is it?" To tell the truth I wasn't really listening, as I finished that side of my head, and was about to start the other side.

"Well...it's about my demon child...my Heir..."

That grabbed my attention. He hadn't spoken of that night to anyone, not even me. "What have you heard?" I asked, trying to stay calm. He had known that I had sent letters out to all the guards, to every Chantry, trading post, tavern, inn, everywhere in Ferelden to be on the look out for Morrigan, and to alert me of anything.

"There was a report that came in yesterday that a woman matching Morrigan's description was seen in the Frostback mountains. Who looked heavy with child."

So it did work, the ritual and all. I didn't look at him, I was afraid my emotions that I had in check would give way. He had an heir that had the soul of an old God. The taint of the Grey Warden, along with the soul of an old God, and the King's blood. I closed my eyes, as I tried to think of what our baby would be. Would it be a ghoul? Would it even resemble a human at all, and be sane enough to rule? I turned my attention away from those thoughts as I could feel my stomach starting to reach my throat.

"At least she is on the other side of Ferelden, away from us..." he continued. I could feel him watching me, like he always did when I was deep in thought. "...you alright? You haven't been eating breakfast lately...and you look sort of pale...maybe you shouldn't go to Amaranthine today."

"I'm fine..." I smiled, and sat straight up again. "You're just jealous that I'm traveling!" I threw the piece of bread back at him, as I started the braid on the other side of my head.

"Well...kinda...sorta...yes." He said, standing up. "I mean, you my dear wife get to escape Court for a bit, and travel around Denerim in armor, and killing any stray darkspawn in you're way. Which you have been itching to do, don't deny it!" He laughed, walking over to his closet and looking at the different rich silks, and cloths, trying to figure out what to wear today. I couldn't help smile as I heard him sigh. The one thing about being King that he enjoyed very much was the clothes. All the silks, cotton, fine wool, fur, he loved them all.

"I swear..." I started, finishing up the last of the braid. "I could have married a woman!"

"And I could have married a man!" He protested, throwing a shirt at me. "Goes either way my good wife! Now hurry up and get dressed! I don't think the nobles, or the Grey Wardens from Orlais want to see you in my shirt and trousers when you arrive in Amaranthine."

I didn't say anything. All I did was laugh, and throw back the shirt that he had tossed at me. All I could think about was the time. It would take me four days to get to Amaranthine. A week or two to sort everything out, and deal with all the rituals and so forth. Then another four or five day journey back. And while I was thinking about time I realized it had been about six months since defeat of the blight, five months since Alistair became King, three months since I had became the Queen of Ferelden, and almost two months since my last day of the bloods. I, Elissa the Hero of Ferelden, Wife and Queen to King Alistair, maybe with child.


	2. The Ride to Vigil's Keep

The day was hot and muggy, when we made our way across Ferelden to Vigil's Keep. It was even hotter, and muggier in the cramped royal carriage that I was forced to endure the entire trip. It was not my idea that was for certain, so for most of the boring ride, I found entertainment from thinking of new and creative ways of insulting my dear, protective, husband.

"By King Alistair's stinky toe" was starting to catch on with the guards by the time we had reached one of the many Nobles houses that I was to stay in. By the time we had reached day five of my supposedly four day journey to the Keep, I was almost out of potions, and my insults went from, "I swear by King Alistair's flaming Orleasin silk knickers," to, "...that's what King Alistair said!"

Feigning sick, I skipped the lavish, four course dinner, and took a bath in my lavish room that was set aside for me when I had reached the last of the Great Noble Parade. There I found myself soaking in a bath, trying to somewhat relax when I heard a knock at my door.

"M'lady?"

I opened one of my eyes to look at the poor elven maid that was sent to either fetch me, or ask for the hundredth time if I needed anything. When I didn't respond, she curtsied and said, "There is a soldier at the door for you. She says it is urgent."

Closing my eye, I moaned inwardly before saying, "...tell her that I will see her shortly."

"Yes m'lady," the girl spoke up as I assumed she curtsied for that there was a brief pause before she asked, "Shall I fetch you a gown?"

"No...fetch me instead my bindings, the dark blue linen tunic, and brown trousers."

"Will you need assistance with putting your hair in fighting braids?"

At that I opened my eyes and couldn't help but grin at the girl. "Yes, yes I would."

The girl only smiled, and nodded as she quickly turned around and left. When she was gone, I dipped myself further down into the warm, lavender and peppermint scented bath. Soaking up whatever luxury I had before I had to deal with what seemed like an another crisis that only I could fix.

The elven maid entered a few seconds later, carrying the things that I had asked. I moaned again, as I carefully exited the tub and by the time I had tied my trousers, and finished wrapping my chest bindings, a knock on the door signaled me that the soldier was waiting.

"Come in." I threw my dark blue tunic over my head, as the door opened with the most recent emergency.

My green hazel eyes meet the soldier's water blue ones, and I couldn't help but smile as she quickly knelt down on one knee while she looked at the ground in front of my feet. "Your Majesty..."

I looked from her, to the elven girl, who I shared a quick smirk with, as she walked around the soldier.

"My girl..." I started, as I sat down in the nearest chair, waiting for the maid to quickly tie up my curly dark brown almost black hair. "Please stand, if this is an emergency, then I would rather skip all the formalities." The soldier rose from her position, and I tried to look like a Queen. When truth be told, I would rather sit with her like a sister-in-arms, but with not knowing who, what or why, she was here, I couldn't risk it. Not after all the poor jokes that I have made on my husband's expense on the journey here.

"If it pleases you, your Majesty," she nodded before she took a breath and continued. "I was sent yesterday to find you, and to quickly escort you back to the Keep."

"Did something happen?" I asked, as I felt the weirdly calming effects of the elven girl's fingers as she gently pulled and tugged pieces of my hair into place on top of my head.

"Nothing that I am aware of your Majesty. Just that some Nobles in Amaranthine are starting to get restless. Seneschal Varel has requested that you hurry, in hopes of relieving some of the fear and animosity that has started to build ever since the Orlesian Wardens arrived."

I looked away from her, and to my hands. "And I agree. Thank you for the haste at which you bring me this message. Are you tired from the journey?" I looked at her again, but this time my eyes were scrutinizing every aspect of her. From the wear and tear of her bronze plate and chainmail armor, to the winged bronze helmet that she still wore.

"No I am not your Majesty."

"Good...please go to the Arl and the Arlessa and tell them that I will need two fresh saddled horses. After that, go to the kitchens and eat whatever you can. For once the horses are ready, we leave."

A smile graced her lips as she bowed. "Will do...Your Majesty."

I didn't say anything as she turned and started to walk away from me. Only when she opened the door did I say, "And for future reference. From here on out, you may address me as Commander."

"Will do...Commander."

It was twenty minutes later that I had found myself in my new pair of leather armor that I had commissioned a few months ago. Unlike the leather skirts that were very popular among other rogues, I instead opted for leather bracers tied to my thighs. It personally gave me more movement, and protection then the leather and iron braids of the skirts. And as an added bonus, since my trousers were of the same color, it would be harder for any enemy to try and detect where my armor was. The same couldn't be made of my cuirass as it was black against the dark navy blue of my tunic. Intricate designs of blue, and silver were etched all over the front, and back, like an ivy.

Half my hair was up, well out of my face, in intricate braids that I could only in my dreams attempt to recreate. My quiver bounced at my back, with my bow, along with Dumat's Claw strapped to my right hip, and Dumat's Spine strapped to my left. Both the Arl and the Arlessa were not happy at my sudden departure, but they smiled nonetheless when I mounted my horse. I bade them all a good night, told them I was sorry that I had to go, but duty calls for a Grey Warden, and Queen.

"I hope you understand," I said mournfully, trying not to show that I was indeed glad to be rid of them, and that dreadful carriage at last. "Maybe when everything is settled you two would like to join my husband and I in Dernerim?" When I saw that they shook their heads eagerly, I smiled, took the reigns of my horse, and took off into the night.

We traveled light that night, as we both knew that the sooner I get to the Keep, the sooner any disagreements there was, would quiet down. So instead of the two weeks of potions that I had with the rest of my luggage, I only took four days worth. Along with only a few other health potions, food, and at least two gowns.

With the constant stopping from me getting sick, the short few hours ride, started to turn into five. Luckily though, I was able to learn more about my guide as I kept asking her questions about the Keep. How many Warden's arrived, how much food, money, the Keep was making and holding. But of course, the easy banter didn't last long as yet my sickness continued. Making the poor girl more nervous, and worried then I would have like.

"Are you sure you are all right Cmmander?" Mhairi asked, as helped me re-mount my horse.

"I am...I actually couldn't be better," I moaned as I settled back in the saddle. Closing my eyes I tried to laugh it off. Saying that it was the Arlessa's supposedly Antivan cooking that did me in. "...My stomach never really sat well with poison."

Instead of laughing, or even attempting to humor me with a laugh, Mhairi instead said, "We're actually not far from the Keep now. We could walk if that will help any."

"How long will it take?" I tried to keep a fix point on the horse to ease the feeling, but it didn't help.

"Bout an hours walk at most."

"Plenty of time...yes. Walking would be nice."

But it didn't help much. Soon we arrived at Vigil's Keep. Slower then what I had wanted, but at least this time I was able to take one of the wildflower potions, under the disguise of an health potion. It eased the sickness somewhat, and by the time we drew close to the Keep, we both could tell that something wasn't right.

"Whats going on...why are there no Grey Wardens to greet us?"

I didn't know. It scared me a little, but I kept my eyes scanning, focus on anything that would move. My hands, as if they had minds of their own, sneaked around my back and quickly unlatched my bow from my back. Notching an arrow to the string, I didn't pull back till I felt it.

Felt that strange, tingle feeling that creeped both down, and up my spine at the same time. The feeling that I haven't felt in six months.

Darkspawn.

"Somethings wrong...Quickly Commander!"

But I was already ahead of her. As three grenlocks approached out of nowhere, I quickly drew back my arrow to my cheek, took a breath, then released the arrow and my breath at the same time. By the time the first arrow had found its new home imbedded in the grenlock's eye and brain, I fired another two more. Successfully taking down at least one other. Mhairi had one pinned with her own shield, and as I drew back by bow string again to fire, I saw another grenlock running at me. Knowing/hoping Mhairi could handle one, I fired at the one quickly advancing my way. The arrow protruded out of his neck this time, and he went down with a gurgle. I turned my head to my left to see Mhairi slide her sword back out of the darkspawn corpse. I quickly scanned the battlefield to see that there was a guard, something that I had missed when I originally looked. I quickly retrieved at least two arrows from the three that I fell as I walked over to see that the guard kept hitting a downed grenlock that he must of had just killed. Placing my hand on his back, he quickly turned holding his mace in the ready position. But his face quickly turned from the attack mode to relief.

"Its you the Hero of Ferelden. Oh thank the Maker!"

"How did this happen? What is going on?" I demanded as I knelt down to be at his eye level.

"I don't know...They came out of nowhere. All I heard were screams, and people dying. I got out as fast as I could but I ran into these...You need to help them! You need to do something!"  
I turned my gaze from his face, to the gate that lied ahead.

"How many are there." I could feel old muscles starting to come back alive. I could feel the adrenaline starting to course through me, and I began to feel like I used too. The Warden that did so many things, against so much impossible odds. I was back.  
I didn't hear his answer, as I quickly cut him off saying, "Just get yourself to safety, and pray that there is help coming on these roads..."

"Yes M'Lady...Thank you M'lady..." he said, as he quickly ran by us. With my fingers tapping my bow, I squatted down never keeping my eyes off the Vigil's gate. Whatever was going on, wasn't good. Darkspawn ambushing Grey Wardens? I shook my head.

This wasn't right.

"We don't have alot of time Commander..." spoke up Mhairi, as she stood by my side.

"I know...they launched this sneak attack which is unheard of..." I stood up and looked at her. "Nice sword work...you are not just a guide are you?"  
"No...I was actually in the King's service till I was recruited about a month ago." Her usual frown that she kept on her face, melted away as a smile took its place. "I haven't yet received the joining yet."

Another recruit, I thought to myself. I nodded my head as I looked away from her and to the keep. "Well, lets get moving."

"Yes let's teach those evil bastards a lesson!"

And we did. We fought side by side through the gates defeating all darkspawn in our path. When we finally made it to the main door to the Keep itself, I was exhausted. But I knew I had to keep going.


	3. The Keep

"I can't believe it. The keep has been completely overwhelmed. How did this happen I don't understand..."

"How many Wardens are here?" I asked, as I quickly tied a bandage around my left thigh. We had just defeated at least half a dozen shireks. I was exhausted, and I knew better then to keep carrying myself on like this. I was sooner or later going to hurt the baby, my baby. I leaned against the cool wall, and closed my eyes for a brief second counting how many arrows I had used up.

"A dozen perhaps. But there were soldiers that came with them. The darkspawn to ambush the Keep so effectively...I didn't know they could do such a thing."

I opened my eyes at that, and slowly looked to the pile of bodies that where stacked up on the other side of the hall. The walls where drenched in the victim's blood, with some splatter on the ceiling. Vomit started to rise in my throat as I saw some of the blood start to drip down onto the floor to mix with some of the shrieks.

"I still need you Mhairi..." I said as I forced myself up away from the wall. "We will send them back to the black city, I promise!"

Mhairi looked at me, then nodded her head. "Yes Commander...we will."

We then ran up the stairs to the fights that lay ahead of us. We were later joined by a young mage that reminded me too much of my husband and as we continued fighting our way through the Keep, we came across two more dwarves, a few survivors and a dear friend of mine.

We fought like demons and on our way we saw people die. Mhairi's friend Rowland, and several other fellow Grey Wardens. We were sadden, but it just fueled us even further. I felt horrible that I hadn't come sooner, or else I could have saved them. And as we ran through the last door to where he had told us of the talking Darkspawn, I couldn't help but feel the anger that I had once felt. They were going to pay. All of them where.

"...others will come creature. They will stop you!"

We ran around the corner to see at least four darkspawn, and one human being held at sword point.

"There it is..." hissed Mhairi as we stopped.

"It seems your words are true, more then you know..."

I didn't hear what someone said behind me, as the world at that moment started to spin. I had to catch myself from falling as I heard, "Commander..." I looked up then the person being held at sword point and saw someone that I left in the past with so many others.

"...but kill the others."

Taking a dagger that I had picked up from a fellow dead solider, I threw it at the nearest darkspawn. Not seeing if it hit or not, I took a deep breath of air, hoping that the dizziness would go away as I pulled back a notched arrow. I could hear Oghren's battle cry as he charged the battle field like a mad brunto. I could feel Ander's fire start to lick my boots as I fired the arrow fair and true through the skull of the first Hurlock I laid eyes on. I felt something sear my right shoulder, and as I yelled my battle cry of "Grey Wardens!" I turned on that darkspawn like a dragon would turn on it's attacker. It was too close for me to fire off a shot properly, so instead I smacked it in the head with my bow before I dropped it. Favoring Dumat's Claw, and Spine instead, I blocked it first blow, then kicked it in the stomach sending it down to the pit of spikes that it had sent a solider not a few minutes before.

I turned around to see another Hurlock charge me. I of course charged too, with my teeth baring. I ducked his axe swing, with my right shoulder leading, and used the quick footing that Zevran had taught me to pull the darkspawns leg out from under him. Not wasting a second I raised my boot, and smashed his head in. Raising my head, I smiled as I flipped Dumat's Claw in my hand and sent it flying, straight into the back of the talking Darkspawn.

"Commander..." I turned around to the person that was held at sword point. He was taller then I, with grey and white hair. His eyes were golden brown. He had aged since I saw him last, and my heart sunk in my chest as the old memories started to flood back. "...I owe you my life." I didn't say anything as I held back the vomit that was slowly creeping up my throat. What could I say to him? I quickly looked away, and back at the dead once talking Darkspawn. The others quickly dealt with the foes that they were fighting against, as I squatted down and pulled my dagger from corpse.

"Soldiers on the road..." I looked at him when he said that.

"A little late for the dance..." I moaned swallowing back the vile as I slowly stood up, to look at what he was looking at.

"Yes...well lets just hope that they are more hospitable then our previous guests." He turned and slowly walked by me. I did whatever I could to keep from looking him in the eyes. After so many years, he still hasn't changed. And hopefully he won't.

I kept my distance away from Varel, as we waited for our new guests to arrive. I could feel his eyes on me, and I prayed to the Maker that he wouldn't say anything about what happened three years ago. But my worries about that went away as I saw a familiar figure walk up to us.

Alistair.

"King Alistair!"

"It looks like I arrived a little late. Too bad I missed the whole darkspwan killing thing," said my husband as Mhairi stumbled behind me to kneel. Varel was kneeling beside me, and I just kept my eyes on my husband as thoughts of whether or not to tell him was racing through my mind.

"I wanted to give the Wardens a formal welcome but I wasn't expecting this..." He looked me with worry and concern on his face. I smiled a brief, weary smile at him before he looked at Varel and said, "Whats the situation?"

"What Darkspawn remain, have fled your majesty. The Grey Wardens that have arrived from Orlais are either dead, or are missing."

"Missing as in taken by the darkspawn? Do they even do that?"

Another wave of dizziness came over me, and I started to feel my legs buckle.

"I do not know your majesty. I only know that we cannot account for all the Wardens."

"I see..." He turned away from Varel to me. I tried to show that everything was ok, but I could feel myself starting to sweat. I needed to tell him. "...and how bout you dear wife. You weren't badly hurt I see."

I smiled at him. "Noting can take me down. You know that."

"I forget that I married a War goddess," he laughed as he hugged me.

"I need to tell you something," I whispered in his ear before he let me go.

"Later...I promise..." He whispered back. But the way he looked at me, I knew better and I was right. Before I could say anything I found myself "taking care" of the situation. I found myself with a few more Grey Warden prospects, a place for my things for a longer duration, and I found my husband leaving me. It took all that I had left in me from the dizzy spells and the intense last few hours, to stand there watching him leave. Tears sprang to my eyes as I watched him and his entourage walk through the gates. The same gates that I watched someone else leave me to go to do their "duty".

"Commander?"

Scowling, I quickly wiped the tears away and turned around to face someone that stood in the same spot so many years ago.

"What is it Varel?" I whispered as I met his eyes.

"There is something that needs your attention as soon as possible..."

"What doesn't need my attention as soon as possible?" I laughed as I started to walk towards the Keep. "We need to start searching for any survivors and getting the wounded treatment right away. And don't forget I also have to contend with the local nobles who apparently are about to storm this Keep." I placed my hands on my hips and took in the actual damage. "Which now won't be that hard to do." I stopped and turned around to face him. "We also need to get the three recruits through the Joining as fast as we can. I refuse to be one of the two remaining Grey Wardens in Ferelden..." I smiled. "...again."

"And that is why you are needed, Commander..." He paused to slightly bow at me, then continued. "...the pressing matter that I have mentioned is about a possible recruit."

I crossed my arms as he motioned me to follow him. Finally after going through a few doors, he stopped in front of an old, decaying door, and turned around to look at me. "It involves your...husband."

"What does Alistair have-"

"Not Alistair..." He interrupted as he slowly opened the door for me to see the last person I thought I would ever see on this Maker given earth.

There sitting on the ground in a small cell was the person that I thought died in the Free Marches four years ago.

"N-Nathaniel?"

And that was when my legs finally gave out.


	4. The Fade

_"You know...tis not working..."_

_My sight was all a blur as I opened them to find myself in a hall of silver mirrors that moved. Everywhere I turned a golden light would reflect off one of them, and shine bright in my eyes. _

_"What isn't working?" I asked, as I slowly brought myself to stand. _

_I wobbled a little as I drew myself to full height. "You know what isn't working...It will kill you before you even have the babe."_

_A flash of anger ran through me as I laid a protective hand over my stomach. "And what do you suggest?" I yelled as I looked over my right shoulder to see the golden light disappear behind one of the many mirrors. "That I let the future of Ferelden die?"_

_"No...tis not what I meant at all "_

_I quickly turned my whole body around to face that the bright golden light was now replaced by a dark shadow. I couldn't see the face, nor could I see any part of the person at all. _

_"Tis just, you need to think about what you are doing. The Wild Flower's eat away at the tainted blood, destroys it before it could do any damage. But you have been a Grey Warden for almost two years now, which means, it is destroying your blood."_

_"Then what do I do?" I asked taking a couple of steps closer. "What do I do?"_

_"Now that...Warden...is something I cannot tell you..."_

_"Why not?" I scream. "Why can't you help me?"_

_Nothing but laughter filled the hall, making the mirrors starting to shatter around me. _

_"Why not? Don't you ever wonder why there haven't been many wardens that are women? Don't you have nightmares that the baby might not even be human? Don't you fear what will happen when you do have that child? I am helping you! Stop taking the potion. Let the child die."_

_Anger was getting the better of me. "So you will just let everything that I have worked so hard for vanish?"_

_The mirrors suddenly stopped shattering around me as I heard footsteps coming towards me. _

_"You have indeed done the impossible Warden. But of what cost? You sacrificed everything you have in life to make others around you safe, happy even. Do you not value you're own life at all? You gave Alistair to me so you both could live. An __impossibility most would say. Fools would deem it as a miracle. And now you want another. Do you even love him?'_

_I couldn't answer before the voice started again. _

_"For if you did. If you truly did, you would never have sent him to me. You would have listened to him, and never put him on the throne. Anora would be Queen instead, and that fool would be here. Happy and content living as the Commander of the Grey. Since you should have been dead."_

_"Why are you telling me this?!" I yelled, daring to take a few steps towards the darkening mirror. _

_"Because someone needs to say it out loud. Am I right? Hasn't this been your burden? Hasn't this been the real reason why you couldn't sleep at night?__" The shadow jumped from the mirror I was looking at, to another one adjacent to it. Then it jumped again, and again shattering each mirror that jumped to. I turned around trying to keep up with the shadow but every time I turned, I felt being forced to look back to the one mirror that was left whole. It's surface was holding my reflection, but everything around it was slowly turning black. I couldn't look at it anymore as it was making me sick._

_"Dying to insure Alistair's line will not erase whatever you think you have done wrong. But I know that whatever I say will not make up for the fact of it. Again I ask...do you actually love him?"_

_"And what do you know of love?" I hissed as I glanced up to the shadow. "You sooner left me after it was all over. After you got what you wanted. Tell me,_ Morrigan_, did you even want to save me at all, or did you just do it because you wanted to see me suffer?"_

_Silence. I held my head firm as I started into the blackness. Then suddenly, she appeared. Her face brimming with anger, and other emotions that I never saw on her face. Her hands where clenched in fists at her side, her golden eyes showing pain and anger. But what unsettled me the most was that Morrigan was indeed heavy with child, and I had envied her for it. _

_"You know nothing..." she replied, keeping her voice in check as she stared back at me. "Once I feel that you actually want to live, I will help you. Once I feel that you stop trying to kill yourself in some despair and that you actually will be the Warden I know you are instead of just being a pawn to everyone else's games, then I will help you." _

_Before I could say anything more, she waved her hands and the shattered mirrors, the glass, the hall, everything, vanished around me with her haunting words fallowing me. _

_"You know nothing..."_


	5. Old Scars Never Heal

One thing that I quickly learned, and started to hate about the Keep, was the fact that that there was always a fog. Even at high noon, when the sun was at it's highest, and brightest, it still couldn't defeat the cold fog that seemed to surround everything. It had been several days after I awoke from my sleep when I finally found myself ready to face Nathaniel. A task that weighed heavily on my mind since I first laid eyes on him.

"You need to sort the problem out Commander..."

"I know this Varel, but the question is how? How do I go about and talk to the man that I thought died four years ago? Talk to him, after I killed his own father! You remember how much he used to worship him!" I hissed at Varel as I shoved the shovel into the earth, keeping it safe till I or someone else needed it. It was another day of rebuilding and trying to put order back into the chaos that the darkspawn seemed to create. Every time I turned around, another hole, or opening opened with at least several darkspawn emerging. Hopefully the last set of tunnels that we closed off late last night would hold, and keep the remaining darkspawn at bay. I laid my hands on top of the shovel's handle, and rested my chin on them. I was tired, and so was every other able body in this Maker forsaken land. A dull pain snaked itself from my left hip all the up my side. A friendly little reminder of the potions that I was quickly running out of.

"I'm sorry about all of this Varel, but right now isn't the time to handle it."

"When is the time Commander? You have been pushing back this important matter for days! Sooner or later you have to deal with it. I would advise soon since the nobles are back to banging on our doors. And Maker forbid if Anora hears about this."

I cringed at hearing her name. Anora. Maker have mercy on her rotten soul. "Then what do I say? Hey I'm sorry I thought you were dead for the past four years and I moved on? Oh please do not forget that I killed your father and took all of your lands?"

"I'm sure that would do just fine Commander...just don't forget to smile." Varel then couldn't help but smile that sneaky, wolfish smile that I had first seen when I was a young girl.

"I will have to remember to do that old friend. By the way, did I receive any messages or replies?" I tried to keep the hope from my voice, as I scanned the various people going about with their work. Luck was at least on my side for a bit, as the damage from the attack wasn't as we feared. It was the old run down state of the walls, and the poor soft soil from under our feet that was causing most of the concerns. I had sent several messages to the Grey Wardens in their fortress in Weissupth, the Grey Wardens in Orlais, and to my dear husband the King asking for any kind of aid. It has been at least three days since, and word from Denerim should have at least been received.

"Sorry Commander but we haven't received anything yet, but I will let you know personally when we do."

Just then thunder rumbled across the sky above us, and my scowl deepened. "You know whats funny Varel?"

"What Commander?" sighed Varel from behind me.

"The fact that I always hated this place. The constant rain, fog, and thunderstorms seemed to drain, and take any kind of happiness you had away. And yet...here I am. In charge of it all."

"That is funny Commander. But what about the old Master that still resides? What will you do?"

Honestly, I didn't know. So when the sky opened up, and the rain that always seemed to come for this place started to pour, I tried to figure out exactly what to do. I had taken care of at least two of the main problems that need my attention in that week.

I acquired at least two new Wardens, and yet another death. Anders was a great asset as his talents at healing were greatly appreciated by all the wounded. His lighthearted nature also did wonders at combating the poor miserable atmosphere at the Keep. He and Orghren were a handful, and at odds sometimes but Orghren was one of the very few people here that I could trust. But... poor Mhairi. She was excited and honored to the very end, an end that came to fast for such a powerful, and skilled swordsman. And like I said earlier, the state of the Keep wasn't that horrible, so the only thing left that was of major importance was Nathaniel.

And yet, I still couldn't figure out what to do.

Banishment, imprisonment, death or conscripting him into the Grey Wardens were the only options that were available and I didn't like either of them. I didn't know where I stood anymore on anything. Seeing him stirred up feelings and memories that I didn't want nor needed anymore.

After a few minutes alone to swallow yet another potion, and to gather my thoughts, I finally came up with as much of a good idea as I could possibly could with it concerning him. And as I opened the door to the holding cells, I steeled my nerves as best as I could, telling myself that this was the only way. That this was the only option.

"Ahh Commander, good thing you're here. This one has been locked up for the past week now. Good men died while this one was protected in his cell." The guard sneered at Nathaniel, as I tried to keep that straight political face that my father taught me all those years ago. I couldn't let him see the effect that he had me, since I already gave up ground work on him when I fainted the last time I saw him.

"Leave me to talk to him," I commanded, not taking my eyes off of Nathan. He was sitting on the straw strewn ground, one leg bent at the knee with one of arms resting on it. He looked at me when I came in, but now he refused to even give me a passing glance.

"As you wish Commander..." the guard bowed then exited the room.

Once he was gone I opened the door and stepped in.

"Well...if it isn't the great hero..." he sneered as he slowly stood up to meet me. As he stood in front of me I felt another wave of nausea come over me. I didn't know whether or not it was from the potion or from the fact of how nervous I was. He was still taller then me, with the same piercing grey eyes that seemed to go straight through you. But his hair once short, was now long and tied in the back. It seemed that he lost alot weight, and that the last few years in the marches were not kind to him, as his face seemed gaunt, and tight. Not the soft, nor as relaxed as I remembered him. "... conqueror of the blight and vanquisher of all evil. Aren't you supposed to be ten foot tall with lighting bolts shooting out of your eyes?"

He grinned at that. At his smart remark, and for some reason or another it made me mad.

"The darkspawn seem to think so..." I countered, leaning back on the cell wall.

A bit of anger flashed through his eyes, then quickly vanished. He was always good at hiding his emotions. Something I had always envied of him.

"Somehow I always thought that my father's murderer would be a bit more...impressive."

I clenched my jaw tight, keeping my tongue from saying something that I would regret.

He smiled as he saw my jaw tightened, and continued. "I am Nathaniel Howe. My family owned these lands before you showed up. Do you even remember my father?"

"Arl Howe killed my entire family. He deserved what he got..." I said through my teeth. I could feel my anger rising. Was he that ignorant of what all his father did?

"Your family was going to sell us out to Orleasians!"

"I suppose your father told you that?"

"How could he? A Grey Warden stole into his estate and slaughtered him before I could even talk to him. I came here..." His grey eyes scanned my face for a minute searching for something that I still do not know. His voice broke and for a moment I could have sworn that I saw the old Nathan that was here three years ago. But it only lasted for a few seconds before the hatred came back. "..I thought I was going to try to kill you. To lay a trap for you, but then I realized that I just wanted to reclaim some of my family's things." He looked at my face a moment or two before turning away and saying, "...its all I have left."

"...you tried to have me killed?" I said after a bit of silence. Was that the only reason why he came back? After everything that had happened over the years, he just came here, to me, to kill me?

Tears welled up in my eyes as I fought for words. I clenched my fists as I repeated, "You tried to have me killed?"

Nathaniel kept his back to me, which just infuriated me even more. Finally I just snapped.

"YOU BASTARD!" I screamed at him, "After everything the only reason why you came back at all was to kill me? ANSWER ME!"

"What would you have me do Elissa? I came back from fighting in a war that I didn't want to fight in, to find that my family's land has been taken and given to the Grey Wardens, my father dead, and that not only are you married, but your the Queen of Ferelden!" He turned around then and stood not even an inch from my face.

"They told me you were dead!"

"I was! Every day I was away from you I was! So how long did it take for you to jump into another man's bed? A year, a month, a day?"

"You don't know anything!" I hissed staring him down.

"...look I don't know what happened to the Couslands. It sounds like it was horrible. Whatever my father did however shouldn't harm my whole family. Its all thanks to you...and now _you _get to decide my fate." He laughed at that and I could taste blood in mouth from biting my tongue so hard. Keeping whatever I had to say to him about his "family" at bay. I didn't think it was right for me then to tell him that his own father killed part of his family. "Ironic isn't it?"

"Perhaps you could redeem your name?"

"Your right, prehaps I should go and work for you new husband. I'm sure he would be overjoyed to let me work for him." He then crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back on the opposite wall from me. "He doesn't know does he?"

"You were dead, your father killed my family, and I was too busy stopping a blight and dealing with a civil war. It never sort of came up."

He didn't have an answer to that. After a few moments of silence I said, "I've decided what to do with you."

"Already? Good."

As the guard finally came back in, I left the cell and shut it behind me. "I've seen you spoken to our guest Commander." I looked up to see that Varel decided to join us, and I just nodded to him. "Have you decided what to do with him?"

"Yes..." I took a deep breath and silently prayed to the Maker and his bride that this was the right thing to do. "I wish to invoke the Right off Conscription."


	6. Good Enough

To the people reading this, I am so sorry it had taken so long for me to update. After reading a review, and re-reading the chapters that I had written, I had come to the conclusion that I indeed needed time off to think about this story. School, life, and unfortunately other stories had gotten in the way of this, and now I am happy to say that I am back. :) I had re-written the other chapters, got a photo for the story, and put some well deserving time and thought into the story. I know this doesn't make up for the fact that I haven't updated in such a long time, nor is it a long enough content for you. Thank you again for reading this, and I hope you all enjoy. :)

-Phoenix09

* * *

"You what?!"

"I-I'm sorry Commander. The Right of Conscription? On the prisoner?!"

"NO! Absolutely not! Hang me first!"

"Did I say I was giving you a choice?" I snapped. I was having enough of this, all of this. The only reason why I choose that path instead of the others was ultimately, his life would be out of my hands. Maker willingly, if he died, he would die honorably, and the secret we shared would die with him. If he lived I could keep a better watch on him here, then him being in some lesser noble's Keep.

"...interesting decision Commander...come with me sir. Lets see if you live the Joining." Varel spoke us as he opened Nathaniel's cell door. Meanwhile, I stood there just as tall, and as strong as what my father had taught me when in the same room with a rival. I couldn't let him see how shook up I actually was. So when he walked by to go prepare for the joining, I didn't even look at him. It was only till the sound of the door shutting behind the little procession did I sigh, and let my body slide down the cold, hard stone surface of the prison.

Exhaustion quickly start to consume me, as I pulled my knees towards me and gently laid my head down on them. My eyes concentrated on the only door that lead out of the prison, and I couldn't help but feel somewhat relieved. I knew this nightmare was far from over, but after what had just happened, I felt that maybe I could finally finish that chapter of my life and focus on what was at hand now.

Being the Commander, and Queen, of Ferelden.

-

"From this moment on, Nathaniel Howe you are a Grey Warden."

Nathaniel took the silver joining goblet from Varel, then looked directly at me. A small smirk appeared on his lips in an obvious ploy to instigate something out of me, but again I defied him. Locking my hands behind my back, I only raised my chin. I wasn't the little, weak girl that he had teased during our small training sessions. Nor was I the lovesick maiden that blushed when he kissed the back of my hands. I was the Commander of the Greys. I was the woman who faced down the Archdemon and lived. I was not to be trifled with.

I held my breath as he dropped the cup to the floor and stumbled backwards. His eyes were closed, but when they opened they were as white as a blanket of new snow. Finally he fell to his knees then collapsed on the ground.  
Varel kneeled beside Nathaniel, and already I could start to sense the taint in him. "Nathaniel was stronger then what we expected. For better or for worse he is a Grey Warden now."

I nodded my head, and walked away. I was angry that he didn't die, but that wasn't the reason why I left the room. My vision started to blur again, and I knew that I had to get to my own room fast. I couldn't afford any more break downs, or anything else that could give mine, and Alistair's enemies any more ammo against us.

I couldn't afford being seen weak, and an incompetent ruler or leader of any kind.

So the evening, and the week passed in a uneventful manner. I was scrounging enough coin as I could get to pay the resident dwarf to fix, and refit Vigil's Keep. A feat of eighty sovereigns, but as I talked to Varel, he had agreed that it was well worth it, and we would be able to manage. Soon though, tasks, and more emergencies started to pile up on my desk. It seemed that a vital trade route, Pilgrims Path, was closed. And unless if I opened soon, the whole Keep would be reduced to eating shoe leather. Or so what Woosley had said to the Captain one night when they burst through the main Hall's doors.

They were fighting like always, on what was more important. He of course had very valid points on a possible nest of Darkspawn that would ease my mind of any further darkspawn attacks on the Keep. It wasn't until later that night that I had finally made decision. Weirdly, and horribly enough it came from the last person I had expected.

I had just entered the mess hall, lost in thought, and hungry, which I guess is a good thing considering everything. I just walked into the kitchens and smiled to cook when I ran into Nathaniel.

I tried to smile, I really did, but when I saw that smirk on his face, I couldn't help but frown.

"Commander."

"Nathaniel," I replied taking a deep breath before continuing. "How are you faring?"

"Alright I guess. Better food would make a difference." His face grimaced when he turned around and looked at the food.

"Yes, well, I am currently working on that." As I passed him I saw that smirk slowly fade away.

"And how is that fairing? The last time I checked, you barely knew how to run an estate. Let alone an Areling."

"I can manage. Your concern is noted." Grabbing an empty plate I quickly moved around the various tables picking and choosing food.

"This is more than just a concern Elissa. Do you even know what you are doing?" He moved to stand on the other side of the table, as I put the last grape vine onto my plate.

"Yes." I didn't look up at him as I piled more food onto my wooden plate.

"If you thi-"

"Look," I snapped turning my eyes to him. "I am not the same girl you left here three years ago. The Elissa you knew then didn't know a dagger from a kitchen knife. She didn't know the several weak points that a grenlock has, nor did she know the difference between a dwarven ale, and humans." He tried to say something, but I waved him off. "Don't ask." Putting both hands in front of me, I leaned over and hissed, "I dealt with werewolves, ancient evils, abominations, demons and golems. I not only kill the Archdemon, I have killed two High Dragons, and a broodmother far underground in the Deep Roads. If you think that I cannot lead, train, and supply my men in this Keep, then you are horribly mistaken." I narrowed my eyes at him, and he in return did the same. I stood back up straight, grabbed a turkey leg, then turned to walk out of the room.

"And how are you going to prove me wrong Elissa?"

I didn't even turn around to look at him when I said, "I expect you to be suited up and ready go by mid-morning. We ride at noon."

Then I left. To spend the rest of the night heaving up the food that I had tried to consume.


End file.
